Are you familiar with Arousal Non-concordance…you need to be!

“To be human is to make conscious choices for your own well being!”
– King Ayles, writer

“…it gives the most people, the most choices…!”

We often forget we are first an animal…a genetically wired species intent on surviving and ensuring the survival of our offspring!   A personal or family health crisis is a great reminder of this fact…as is an auto collision. Our intimate relationships also provide us with the opportunity.

One of the things which makes us human is making conscious choices.   It has been said the only reason democracy, even with all its flaws, is the preferred political system, is because it gives the most people, the most choices…the most chances to be human and so to design their own destiny.

I remember a discussion I had with my partner of 45 years a while back, reminding her if I was taken out by a bus tomorrow, I would expect her to be remarried within six months.   As she protested with comments like, “After you…never again!” and “Do you think I’m crazy…I’d be so free!”, I added, “And, if you get taken out by a bus tomorrow, I will be remarried in three months!”  I won’t comment further on where this led our thoughts.

But, I was endeavouring to remind her, we are first animals, needing to love and be loved, because it enhances our well being and survival.   Choices made within intimate relationships are a vital part of this process.

“… bring the hard sciences to her work as an educator.”

That’s of course is why we continue to lock people up to punish them…we’re just taking away many of their choices!   This brings me to arousal non-concordance.   Isn’t that an interesting word?  If you’re not familiar with it already, you need to be!  And, I suggest you need to share it with everyone you know, especially family (notably children), friends, colleagues and your spheres of influence, if you care about them, their well being and their future.

Let me introduce you to Dr. Emily Nagoski, who likes to bring the hard sciences to her work as an educator.   This caught my attention right away because I also strive to do this within the field of psychology.   But, Emily brings the hard sciences to her work in human sexuality.

And, her TedTalk, “The Truth about Unwanted Sexual Arousal!” is startling, insightful and empowering for all who take the time to watch her 11 minute presentation.  I challenge you to spend 11 minutes of your life watching it.

And, if it doesn’t serve you in a significant way, please let me know!

“When people are asking me, “Is this thing I’m experiencing normal,” what they’re actually asking me is, “Do I belong?” Do I belong in this relationship, …do I belong on earth as a sexual person? To which the answer is always a resounding, yes.”
– Emily Nagoski, educator