Psychological labels…tools or tattoos?

“The purpose of relationships is to help awaken you to the inherent balance existing within and around you, and to assist you in acknowledging your own magnificence and wholeness.” – John Demartini, polymath

 

 

“… apparently, guilt was what had brought her to my office?”

Lacy was a veteran.  She was a thirty eight year old pert, attractive woman who looked as neat and trimmed in her current brightly coloured apparel as she had probably looked in her unicoloured uniform.  She had done two tours in Afghanistan with the Canadian military as a communications officer. Then, she got out due to her post trauma stress symptoms (PTSD).

Now, Lacy was in a new career.  She operated a kennel and animal grooming service.  She has been through a rehab program, still took her prescribed meds and belonged to a local PTSD self help group.  She had been in civilian life for over five years, now.

The first thing she did was clarify for me that the term PTSD was being transformed into Occupational Stress Injury (OSI) because the symptoms were being found not just in military personnel and first responders, but also in people outside these occupations such as medical staff, collision survivors and other people in the general population.

Lacy had been married to Laird, a 48 year old electrician, for over four years and they were planning for their first child.  And, apparently, guilt was what had brought her to my office. This came out when I asked her what I could do for her. Because she responded with,

 

“… some key points about all psychological labels.

“Ken, I expect to be a mom soon and I’m worried about our new baby.”

“In what way, Lacy?” I asked.

“Well, since I have OSI, what will its impact be on our baby?  Will I pass it on to our child?” she said, a fearful look on her face.

“You think OSI is a condition that is passed on across generations!”

Then I added,

“Lacy, it sounds like you need more information on human biology and adaptability.  It will help you understand what’s going on. Would it interest you to be able to put OSI into a healthier perspective for your future?”

“It sure would!  Lead on…please!”

“Let me offer you some key points about all psychological labels.  Anything that doesn’t make sense, just stop me and I will clarify.  OK?”

“OK!” she replied.

 

“But it is a tool, not a tattoo.”

“Let me list seven basic ones to get us started, then you can ask any questions that come up:

1. First, someone went through an Oxford dictionary and identified at least 4,628 unique human behaviours which we have used to survive as a species.
2. Second, new ones are being added periodically such as blogging, twittering, hash tagging, etc.
3. Third, people in the helping professions, psychiatrists, psychologists, social works, counsellors, etc. take a cluster of about 7-15 of theses behaviours which they perceive as not working for people, and give them a name or label.
4. Fourth, this label is intended to draw attention to this person’s need for intervention services from the community like counselling, medications, hospitalization, rehabilitation, etc.
5. Fifth, this label is an opinion by a professional, given the information or behaviours reported.  But it is a tool, not a tattoo.  It is not permanent and can vary depending on the professional.
6. Sixth, if the person learns to believe their label is a tattoo, then they can become handicapped by it…using it to limit themselves and their life.
7. Seventh, if the person learns to believe it is a tool, then they can become empowered by it…using it to learn about themselves and their life.

OK…questions?”

 

“Truth is what works.” – William James, philosopher

 

“… my OSI diagnosis is an opinion only…but more importantly, it is not fixed…in, or on, my body…”

“Well for openers…if psychological labels are not permanent, why do some people carry them for years… and even their whole life?” Lacy asked.

“There is no sign of depression, bipolar, PTSD or any other psychological label on an MRI (magnetic resonance image), a CT scan (computerized tomography) or an ultrasound reading, because these are opinions not organic diseases.”

“That would mean then they are not permanent at all, but rather someone’s judgement of how someone is behaving at a specific time and place…is that what you mean, Ken?”

“Exactly, we do know our brain’s chemistry or synaptic activation, shows specific pattern changes when we display various behaviours.  But, again, these changes are not fixed, but rather continually changing as we adjust to new sensorial information from the outside world.”

“So, that would mean my OSI diagnosis is an opinion only…but more importantly, it is not fixed, permanent or tattooed in, or on, my body somewhere.  That is really comforting for me to know!” she said, relief emerging on her face.

“Lacy, psychological labels help to pinpoint where we are stuck, where we need to learn, where we need to focus our attention; where we need new perspectives on life…our blind spots!”

Then I added, with emphasis by saying it more slowly,

“And…it also means you can move through it to get on with your life.  And, I can assist you to do that. Are you ready for that, Lacy?”

 

“And, it is going on, as well, in your mind!”

“Yes, but that brings up another problem I’m struggling with, Ken.”

“Which is…?”

“One of my OSI symptoms has been irritability…I’m moody, grouchy and short tempered…maybe I won’t take proper care of our baby because of my OSI…what if that happens?  I worry about that a lot, Ken!”

“Well, I have already suggested that OSI is a tool, not a tattoo.  If that makes sense to you then we can uncover how specifically OSI has been, and will be, a learning tool for you, Lacy.  Do you want to have that discussion right now?”

“I do!” she replied.

“Lacy, would you stand up for a moment and put your arms straight out like you are trying to fly.  Now get a strong steady balance on your two feet with your arms outstretched, please.”

Lacy gave me a confused look but responded to my request and was soon standing firmly with her arms spread out.

“Now, I want you to keep your arms stretched out but move to one foot instead of two without falling.”

Lacy, moved to one foot, swayed for a bit and then regained her balance and steadied herself on her right foot.

I said to her,

“Lacy, notice how you were balanced on two feet then moved to one foot and you immediately created a new balance.  Your body is doing this same process when you walk, run, jump and so on.”

I continued,

“And, the same balancing process is going on inside your body within its various organs, systems and even your cells.  And, it is going on, as well, in your mind! Have a seat!”

“When the voice and the vision on the inside is more profound, and more clear and loud than all opinions on the outside, you’ve begun to master your life.”
– John Demartini, writer

 

 

“Are you saying my grouchy, short temper has something positive in it I don’t see, yet?”

As she sat back down in her chair, she said, in a surprised voice,

“My mind is also constantly balancing itself….too?”

“Yes, at the very moment when we are thinking negatively, we are also thinking positively…but, we are usually not aware of this mental balanced thinking process occurring.” I said.

“Ken, what’s the value of noticing the mental balance going on in our head…our brain?  I don’t see it’s importance,”

“Lacy, this is what can free us from handicapping emotionality and focus us on learning to be stronger and smarter.  In fact, it is what can give us control of our own destiny!”

“That sounds useful to me.  But, where does that fit with my OSI symptoms?  Are you saying my grouchy, short temper has something positive in it I don’t see, yet?” she asked, getting ahead of me.

 

 

“He kind of shadows me when were home together.”

“Yes Lacy!  That’s exactly it! And, you can uncover it!  Are you ready to do that?”

“Can I be skeptical…because I don’t believe grouchy and short tempered can be good for me or anyone else…and, especially our baby!”

“Skepticism is healthy.  I love to see it in my clients!   Let’s find out right now if there is any value in this mental balance idea.  Tell me the when, where and who of your worst moment in displaying what you call your grouchy, short tempered behaviour?”

Lacy contemplated my question for a moment before coming up with,

“That would have to be the incident last weekend with Laird when I told him to back off using the “f” word.  I was surprised as he was. And, I felt so bad after!” she said blushing and looking down at her hands as she wrung them together.

“What was the context leading up to that moment when you said this to him?”

“Ken, Laird worries about me a lot.  He kind of shadows me when were home together.  It feels like he doesn’t trust me to do stuff, so I often find him double checking what I’m doing.”

 

 

“… tell me the best part of that moment for you…even though it was painful…how was it, also positive…”

Then she continued with her story,

“I was preparing our supper.  He had set the table and was standing beside me at the stove where I was frying ham to go with the vegetables.  He kept giving me “suggestions” on how I should cook it…like ‘I think it’s turned up too high!’, ‘Shouldn’t you turn it over?’, ‘I think it’s done!’, ‘Turn it done a bit!’ and on and on and on..”

“Then what happened, Lacy?”

“I had said to him several times to let me do it; ‘go watch TV until its ready’; ‘let me alone to do it my own way’…those kinds of comments…but, he just kept pestering me!  Finally, I blew my stack and yelled at him to F.O. He got this surprised and shocked look on his face and walked into the living room.”

“Lacy, I want you to go to that moment in your mind’s eye, recall every detail of that moment in time and place.  Closing your eyes can help you get there faster. Be there right now! Now, tell me the best part of that moment for you…even though it was painful…how was it, also positive, for you?” I asked.

“I was just ripping…so mad…so pissed!  But, once I said it and realized what I had said, I felt bad!”

 

“It’s been bothering me…how he dismisses me and my abilities…”

“Yes!  But before you felt bad, before that…what was the good part, Lacy?”

She looked awkward and embarrassed for a second before she uttered,

“A part of me felt he was disrespecting me, and so, I felt empowered when I stood up for myself and challenged him…I asserted myself in our relationship and that felt really good!”

“Is this something you have wanted to do for a while, Lacy?”

“It’s been bothering me for a long time how he dismisses me and my abilities…it was long overdue!” she said, with a stronger, more assertive voice filled with a new  determination.

“Why was it so important for you to empower yourself at that moment in your life?  What else was going on in the rest of your world that was connected…looking back now?” I asked so she could see the scope of the benefits to this moment in her life.

 

 

“You really can go through life without labeling what happens to you as good or bad? You have been conditioned to think of things as one or the other. But, you can learn the truth, it is simultaneously both or really, neither. “
– King Ayles, writer

 

 

 

“It has been my biggest challenge…to stand up for me with specific people and situations.”

Lacy closed her eyes again, deep in retrospection.  Finally, she said,

“We have been working so hard on getting pregnant and I have been feeling so powerless about it.  And, there is some stuff going on at work which I was feeling unable to do anything about.”

“So, there were other things going on which were also contributing to your feeling of powerlessness, Lacy?”

“Yes, when I look back now to that moment, it wasn’t just how I was seeing Laird’s behaviour…there were several things going on in my mind.” she replied.

“So, is it accurate for me to say you were empowering yourself in several areas of your life, simultaneously, at that very moment, Lacy”

“Yes, really it would, Ken!  I didn’t see it then, but, I can certainly see it now!”

“Is achieving more personal empowerment something you have been struggling to achieve before that moment in your kitchen with Laird?”

“How about my whole life, Ken?  It has been my biggest challenge…to stand up for me with specific people and situations.  I could give you many examples across my whole life.” she said, her voice emphasizing its importance to her.

 

“Your OSI symptoms…enabled you to evolve into a stronger and smarter person.”

“So, was there any mistake in you getting additional practice in empowering yourself in your relationship with Laird?”

“No, I can see that now!”

“Was there any mistake in you setting a boundary with Laird about how you wish to be treated?”

“No, I needed to do that to be OK in our relationship…I can see now the importance of that moment…and overdue for me, as well.” she added.

“So, let’s chunk our thinking higher for a moment.  Can you now see, that being with Laird is perfect. Because, it gives you the opportunity to learn and practice personal empowerment, which has been a lifelong challenge?”

“Yes, I can see that now, Ken!” she replied.

“And, can you also see, what you have been calling a symptom of OSI may, more accurately, be a symptom of feeling powerless?  And, it is serving you, helping you grow your self-confidence?”

“Yes, I can!  And, do you think that applies to other symptoms of my OSI?”

“It would depend on the symptom.  But, since you are functioning successfully in life overall, what if it applied to every symptom of OSI?” I asked her wondering how open she was to the idea?

“If that’s the case, then I can stop worrying about passing my OSI on to our child, can’t I?”

“I think you are wise in this assessment.  Every OSI symptom is an unconscious survival response to severe stress…and they worked.  Your OSI symptoms, or coping strategies, enabled you to evolve into a stronger and smarter person.  And, you are still doing that today. So, no mistakes, only learning opportunities.”

“I get it now!   Thank you, Ken!”

 

“There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his true self.”
– William James, philosopher