Rituals serve all seven sections of your life!

 

“I learned a few years ago that balance is the key to a happy and successful life, and a huge part of achieving that balance is to instil rituals into your everyday life – a nutritious balanced diet, daily exercise, time for yourself…and setting goals.
– Gretchen Bleiler, athlete

 

 

“…a history of obesity aggravated by her being a devoted foodie.”

Selby was a 40 year old woman struggling with a recent diagnosis of diabetes.  Selby was in her second significant relationship of her life with Sandro, having divorced her first husband and relocated here five years previously.  She was in periodic contact with her daughter, Sasha, from her first marriage and was now the stepmom to another child, Steven, who was in his early teens.

Selby, worked in an insurance office as a administrative clerk.  She liked her work and had made several close friends there. She said the work was routine but her colleagues were great and that made a huge difference for her.  It sounded like she looked forward to going to work each day.

Selby had a history of obesity aggravated by her being a devoted foodie.  She had an ongoing facilitation with exotic foods from everywhere on the planet.  She enjoyed trying new tastes and new textures. It was like a hobby to her and the main focus of her circle of friends. She had a ritual of trolling the shelves of book stores looking for new recipes to assuage her desire for new flavours.

Selby had been working hard on resolving the challenges of her life besides her health.  She had already learned that her past relationship provided the learning for her current one.  This had improved her relationship with her expose and her connection to her daughter.

As well, Selby had raised her self esteem and self confidence by learning to appreciate other parts of her past which she thought had been mistakes and had caused her only pain.   She had identified how each had enabled her to become smarter and stronger as a person.

 

“Why are rituals so important anyway…?”

When she developed diabetes, she immediately developed a plan to start walking daily and transforming her fascination with food into one focused on other activities she could do with her friends besides cook and taste, like creating arts and crafts.

One day she was extremely frustrated from her lack of success in keeping to her new ritual of a daily walk.  As we were discussing this she said, in a discouraged voice,

“Why are rituals so important anyway, Ken?”

“Selby, rituals are just tools for survival…like eating, sleeping and so on.”

“Yes, I realize we use them all the time.  And, I know walking is good for my physical health, but, mentally, what do they do for us that’s so important?”

“That’s a great question!   Let’s use your new walking ritual and find out.  OK?”

“Sure!”

“When was the last time you did your daily walk Selby?”

 

 

“There is a comfort in rituals, and rituals provide a framework for stability when you are trying to find answers.”
– Deborah Norville, journalist

 

 

“… what you were aware of during your walk.”

She paused momentarily before saying,

“Today is Wednesday, so it was last Sunday morning.”

“I want you to close your eyes for a few minutes, take three deep breaths and go back to last Sunday morning.  Get inside your mind as you were on that walk.” I said.

“What time of day was it, where did you walk and who, if anyone, was with you?”

I watched Selby’s eyeballs searching back and forth, under her closed lids for the information.  She replied,

“It was about 8:30 and my friend, Sally, was with me.  We were walking around several of the blocks in our neighbourhood.”

“Keeping your eyes closed to help you focus, I want to ask you some questions about what you were aware of during your walk.  OK?”

“OK!”

“You remember how we’ve been talking about the seven areas we can use to consider our life…spiritual, mental, vocational, financial, social, familial and physical?”

“Yes, I remember them well.” she said, from behind her closed eyes, as she leaned back in her chair.

 

“…Is being pleased with yourself another way of saying you were experiencing more self esteem…”

“You have already noted a daily ritual of walking could enhance your physical health.  But, let’s go broader and deeper. Recalling the walk last Sunday, how specifically was it enhancing you physically?”

She thought for a few seconds before coming back with,

“Well, it was a nice day, warm and sunny, so I think I was walking a little faster, with more energy…more enthusiasm in my steps, perhaps.”

“If you put more enthusiasm into your step, Selby, how is that manifested mentally…in your mind?” I asked her.

Pausing again, then she replied,

“I guess I was a little pleased with myself to be out there, in the neighbourhood, doing it.”

“Is being pleased with yourself another way of saying you were experiencing more self esteem and self confidence, Selby?”

“I suppose it is, you know!  I never thought of it that way before…but it’s true, isn’t it?”

 

“… got some good ideas for dealing with my job…”

“If you put more enthusiasm into your step, Selby, how is that manifested socially…in your time with your friend, Sally?” I asked her next.

“I like Sally, she is one of my closest friends.  We were talking and laughing about what we were going to do this summer with our families.  I really enjoyed it. I think we were really connected during that walk.”

“So, you felt closer to her during your walk together.  Cool. With more enthusiasm in your steps, how was that demonstrated vocationally…in how you perceive your job or your work?” I then asked her.

“Ken, Sally works with me.  So, we spent part of our walk discussing office politics, specifically how to deal with one of our supervisors who is really annoying.  I got Sally’s perspective which really helps me deal with her. So, I would say I got some good ideas for dealing with my job more effectively.”

“OK, great!  so, with more enthusiasm into your steps, Selby, how was it manifested financially?” I asked her.

There was a longer pause this time, so I added to broaden her concept of financial,

“Remember financial wealth comes in seven different forms, it could be monetary, but it could also be in the form of self worth or an increase of spirit, friendship, energy, ideas, skills, and so on.”

“Oh!   OK! Looking back now, when Sally and I were walking together, I felt I had more spirit and I felt closer to her, and I gained those ideas about our supervisor…I think, looking back now, I gained all of those, which helps me value me more…does that make sense, Ken?”

 

“Rituals are the building blocks of life.…” –  Andre Aciman, writer

 

 

“… I’m truly inspired by all nature’s manifestations from the manicured lawns…”

“It certainly does!   Now, the only ones we haven’t touch on are familial and spiritual.  How did your walk serve you within your family relationships, Selby?”

“That’s really much clearer to me now!    Of course, we talked about our kids and spouses.  I think I got to vent during my walk which really de-stresses me…it actually relaxes me.  So, then I’m better prepared for dealing with them in a healthier way.”

“And, last but not least, spiritual.  How does walking serve your spirit Selby?”

“Ken, my spirituality is based in the natural world.   So, when I’m out walking I’m truly inspired by all nature’s manifestations from the manicured lawns to the flower beds in my neighbourhood to the community gardens we walk by.”

‘Selby, are you starting to see how this ritual of walking actually serves all seven areas of your life not just the physical?

“Yes I can see that now!”

 

“I’ve found nothing important to do, is ever easy, to do!”

“So, if you broaden your perception of how it serves each and every area of your life in some important way, it will be easier to motivate yourself to stick with it.”

“Yes, I get it, Ken!  I guess it won’t make it easy to follow my walking ritual, but it can make it easier to choose to follow my walking ritual, if I notice how it benefits me in every area of my life, eh?”

“You got it now!   I’ve found nothing important to do, is ever easy, to do!   If we want the significant benefits, we have to make the significant effort required to create them.”

“Ken, it sounds like another version of the balance law I’ve been learning.  Is it?”

“It sure is, Selby!   Excellent insight in how you saw the connection right away.”

“Rituals create safety for children, stability for adults and thinking time for the wise.”
–  King Ayles, writer