We don’t retire our pets, only ourselves..I wonder why?

 

“I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot.”
–  Leonard Cohen, musician

 

“Irving told me he had a modest, but viable, pension…”

Irving like to talk a lot.  He seems to like the sound of his own voice and his own stories.  They were coming out fast and furious. Irving was comfortably retired.   This was his second year!

Irving projected a soft arrogance about his position in life.  He looked and talked like he had it all under control. He was 55 years of age and his physical health was OK.  He was dressed like he was heading for the golf course, lots of loose fitting, brightly coloured, stylish apparel.

While Irving really couldn’t afford an annual southern get away quite yet, he had a good looking pick-up truck, some close friends and a devoted girlfriend.  He was also successfully coparenting his two teenage boys with his first wife, Irene. They had developed a respectful arrangement giving them each the freedom to go their separate ways while nurturing their kids.

Irving told me he had a modest, but viable, pension which enabled him to sustain his lifestyle.  He shared his living expenses with his partner, Inez.

 

“I need to retire from retirement.” – Sandra Day O’Connor, judge

 

“Elation and depression always travel together.”

Irving was a friendly, likeable individual who had an easy manner with people. I could see how he would attract people with his kind and amicable demeanour.   He was really a nice guy!

But, as he described his idyllic life, I kept wondering why this apparently well adjusted, healthy, well-dressed man was sitting in my office on a stormy Monday morning with ten centimetres of snow down and ten still to come.

Elation and depression always travel together.  So, when he reached for a breathe before jumping into his next story, I said,

“Irving, it sounds like you have your world by the tail and are swinging it at your own leisurely pace.  So, what are you doing here today? How can I serve you?”

Irving went quiet…very quiet.  Then, he looked down at the floor going to some deep part of something in his mind.  I waited in silence for him to say what he needed verbally.

 

“…I was totally blindsided…”

After a few long seconds, he said,

“I have a close friend, Ivan.  He’s retired, too.  We have coffee at Tim’s most mornings.  He put in 35 years before he left the plant.  I put in twenty-nine. Last Tuesday, out of the blue, he asked me what I was going to do with the rest of my life.”

He  paused, then continued on,

“Ken, I was mute…I had nothing to offer, nothing to respond with…I was totally blindsided, Ken, like getting sucker punched in a bar by a drunk you thought couldn’t even raise their arms!”

“What was it about Ivan’s question which confused you?” I asked, wondering what was laying below the surface of this man’s joviality.

“I have been bored, listless and out of sorts for months.  After I left work, I got the apartment tidied up, watched television, drank some beers on the balcony and had some afternoon naps.”

 

“I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.” – Walt Mossberg, journalist

 

 

“Each of us are driven to learn how life really works…”

He went on,

“But, I became really tired of puttering around very, very quickly.   Why am I not contented to do that stuff? Why am I so edgy and restless?  I think I‘ve got it all! So, if I have, why aren’t I happy, Ken?”

”I can show you why, Irving if you’re prepared to learn.” I replied.

“Prepared to learn what, Ken?  I’m over half a century old, don’t you think I should know by now?” he said in a frustrated tone.

“Most don’t, Irving!  Each of us are driven to learn how life really works…to learn how to create a value based, purposeful life…learn what you need to know to create a future full of gratitude, certainty and love.”

“But, Ken, how come I’m not content to just be retired like so many of my relatives, friends and neighbours?   How come I can’t be satisfied with just retiring and being happy in my retirement?” he asked, truly mystified.

 

“Do you want to minimize your rusting, Irving?”

“My best guess would be that you lack an attitude of entitlement, Irving.  I suspect you have more you need to offer the world, more you need to give so you can get the gift of gratitude.” I suggested to him.

“Ken, what I’ve been noticing is the retirees who are not doing something constructive, seem to lose their vitality, get sick, and then, pass away faster.”

“Sure, Mother Nature recycles anything not purposeful!  Just like unused or neglected machinery quickly rusts, so do people, it’s a natural process.  Do you want to minimize your rusting, Irving?”

“It’s like you’re saying without a purpose, we age faster?   That without purpose, we recycle faster?  That would mean an attitude of entitlement is actually dangerous to my health?  Is that what you mean, Ken?”

“Nature only offers us one thing…a life!  Nature requires us to fight for it every day…to fight for our very existence.  Nature enables us to learn how to fight by ingraining in us a desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain…which we call, learning.”

“This is getting really complicated, Ken!  I think I’m losing you here!” he said getting scared.

 

“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.”
–  Betty White, actress

 

“… many of us retirees are chasing a fantasy instead of the truth…”

“I have found this is something that we already know intuitively…but it can be scary to realize we are not here to be happy, we are here to be grateful!”

“What’s the difference, Ken?” he asked,  curious again.

“People seeking happiness are usually looking for pleasure without pain…like trying to separate the north from the south pole on a magnet…that delusion is what drives so many to street drugs.” I suggested.

“OK!”

So, I continued,

“People seeking gratitude already know you can’t separate pleasure from pain, they are two sides of the same coin.  So, they seek to find the balance in every second of their life. When they find it, they create gratitude for the life they have right now, as it is…with both the pleasure and the pain!”

“That means many of us retirees are chasing a fantasy instead of the truth of nature itself!” Irving said thoughtfully.

“That’s an apt way to put it!”

 

 

“Retirement is an invention of humans who wish to meditate upon the sins of idleness.”  – King Ayles, writer

 

 

“… I don’t want to waste any more of my retirement time, re-tiring myself!”

“It sounds like you are saying we are only here to serve, Ken!  And, I need to find someway to serve even though I think I’m retired from serving!”

“Again, aptly put, Irving!”

“And, if I find a way to serve I won’t be bored or edgy and it could even enhance my physical health as well, eh?”

“There’s lots of research out there to substantiate that and it grows every day, Irving.”

“So, where do I start, Ken?   Where do I begin to find a new way to serve?”

“I would suggest we start by raising your life purpose to your awareness so you can use it to plan your future more consciously.   How does that sound, Irving?”

‘How do we do that, Ken?”

“I have seven questions which will assist you in uncovering it quickly.”

“Then, let’s get to it!  I don’t want to waste any more of my retirement time, re-tiring myself !” he said smiling.

Once Irving had uncovered his life purpose, he was surprised how much it helped him understand many of the important events of his past.  He realized his real challenge was finding a new way to be purposeful. And, it didn’t have to be influenced, or even connected to, how much income was tied to it.

This new found freedom enabled Irving to make the decision to pursue a dream, he had been ignoring for some time, of owning and operating his own business.

So, he took an online course on building kayaks and started a small business.  I recall him saying one day, in passing, “My business is viable because it doesn’t depend on sales, it depended on purpose…my purpose!”

 

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
– Abe Lemons, coach