WHAT ADDICTION DO ALL OTHER ADDICTIONS LEAD TO…FORTUNATELY?

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” –  Confucius, philosopher

 

“… heading for an early grave unless he got his addiction under control…”    

When Stan first called me, he said he had some addiction and anger issues he wanted to deal with right away.   The next week, when he arrived, I met a tall man about 35 years of age with a deep voice and rough manner.   He fit the stereotype of the hard working labourer who earned his keep with the sweat of his brow and the strength of his back.    He had the work boots, the grubby jeans, the flannel shirt and the beat up, baseball cap, all in place.

Stan said he had been drinking most of his life.   He had been married twice so far and now had a girlfriend who told him to shape up or ship out.   He said she was adamant she would not be with, or live with, an active alcoholic.   As well, Stan said he was a mean drunk…he got moody and belligerent which had got him into a lot of difficulties.   He said he had few friends left.   And, the final straw, the reason he had called me, was his doctor told him he was heading for an early grave unless he got his addiction under control right away.

 

“… most families have an addict in them.”

What made Stan stick out in my memory was the attitude that he’s unique…that his situation was unusual or uncommon.   He didn’t realize most families have an addict in them.   He didn’t realize the most dangerous, and most costly, drug in modern society is alcohol.   No other drug addiction comes even close in its’ impact on humanity.   It is a great source of income revenue and an equally great source of rehabilitation costs for governments.

Stan had never thought of alcohol from this perspective before.   He hadn’t noticed the duality for both society in general, and for individuals in particular.   He caught on to the revenue generated for our society through the taxes…it was obvious, he said, every time he bought his booze.   But, he wasn’t buying that there were, or could be, advantages for individuals…and especially, advantages for him.

Let me pick up where our conversation got really interesting.

 

“…in nature, there is no such thing as a weed?”

Stan said, “Are you telling me being a drunk gives me an advantage…are you serious?”

“Yes, I am, Stan!   And, so does every other addiction!” I added.

“How can you say crap like that?” he replied, an angry edge to his voice.

“Because it’s true…and that’s why it is so important for me to say it and you to hear it.” I replied.

“You have been under the mistaken impression addictions are bad things, especially your addiction.   Is that not true, Stan?”

“Well, of course!   How could they be anything else?” he replied, holding his angry tone as a challenge.

“Stan, did you ever notice, in nature, there is no such thing as a weed?” I said softly, almost in a whisper.

“Ken, I’ve been killing weeds for years for farmers and in my own garden and even on my lawn.   So, that’s a crock of you know what!” he said his skepticism still strong.

“Stan, I went to a “Dandelion Festival” two weeks ago where they showed people how, this plant we call a weed, can be eaten as food, drunk as a beverage and even used as a medicine.   It just depends on the person’s level of awareness of its place in nature.”

 

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
– George Bernard Shaw, writer

 

 

“… it enabled you to survive long enough to have this conversation…”

“Yeah,  I get that idea.   But, a dandelion is a plant, a part of nature, where as an addiction is not natural or a part of nature!” he said with a certainty he usually held for his favourite sport’s team or brand of beer.

“Stan…you are part of nature, so every one of your behaviours is also part of nature…which means, even addictive behaviours are part of you and part of nature.” I said taking his thinking to the next logical step.

“Are you saying addictions are natural and a part of nature…?” he asked with his first tone of curiosity in his voice, as he raised it slightly.

“Indeed I am, Stan!”

“What’s natural about drinking and getting drunk out of your mind?” he said, the skepticism returning to his voice.

“Well, one thing natural, and even useful, is how it enabled you to survive long enough to have this conversation with me today!”

 

“You mean… I’m alive because of my alcohol addiction?”

“Ken, what are you saying…are you saying it helped me survive in some way?”

“What do you think, Stan?”

“If that was so, it has been a stiff price to pay..don’t ya think?”

“Not at all, I think you’re worth it…I think your life’s worth it!” I replied.

“You’re saying my booze addiction is a good thing, then?”

“All addictions are good things and bad things…they help us learn to survive…but they always have a cost!”

“You mean… I’m alive because of my alcohol addiction?” Stan asked, his face a picture of enlightenment…like a kid looking up from discovering he‘d tied his own shoes for the first time.

 

“It’s always been my…my coping strategy!”

“Stan, that’s what I’ve learned from the addicts in my family and the families I have had the privilege of working with over the last 38 years.”

“Well, I’ve only been noticing the costs, not the benefits.   I wonder what that says about me?” he said, thinking out loud.

“I think it suggests you are like many people in our families, our communities and our society…noticing only one side of the situation.   Did you ever notice the billions of dollars generated for millions of people by the addiction industry?   And not just illegal drugs, also legal drugs.   Addicts create opportunities for a lot of people, including me!” I said, smiling at him and wondering if he would see the value in my wisecrack.

Stan thought for a moment and then replied with a matching smile, “I know I have been paying more taxes during my booze buying trips than I ever paid in my annual taxation cheque to the Canada Revenue Agency.”

“So, truthfully, you can also take comfort in knowing your alcohol purchases build schools, support health care and pave roads.”  I said taking the idea a little farther.

Then I added, “But, what has been the big benefit for you, Stan?   What has your addiction done for you which is so valuable that it would make it OK in your own mind?”

Stan went inside himself for a minute.  He even closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them again, they had that moist, fluid look to them.   He said, “It’s always been my…my coping strategy!”

 

 

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
– Marcus Aurelius, philosopher

 

 

“Are you saying drinking saved your life, Stan?”

“To cope with what Stan?”

“Ken, my father was a hard man!” he replied.

And, that’s when Stan described a history of dysfunction in his relationship with his father.   He talked about the pressure of being the only boy in the family and of feeling picked on by his father who had his own unresolved drinking and anger issues.

Over the next several weeks, as Stan uncovered how these events not just cost him but benefitted him, he came to realize without his own addiction he would not have survived.

Near the end of our work, I was asking him to prioritize the most important benefits to his coping strategy of addiction, when he said, “Looking back now I know I drank not just to cope but to stay alive.   If I hadn’t been drunk, I might have done something much worse like hurt the ones I loved or even myself!”

“Are you saying drinking saved your life, Stan?”

 

“All our addictions uncover our primary addiction…the one we each have, to live!”

“Yes, I guess I am, aren’t I?” he replied with that successful shoe tying look again.

“And, it looks like it is doing it again by driving you to take better care of yourself in a new way, eh?” I offered.

“Yes, that’s true isn’t it…my drinking motivated me to come talk with you, and so, in a way, save my own life!” he said with a soft smile spreading over his face.

“What if that is ultimately true for every addiction, Stan?”

“So, Ken, addictions are just behaviours people…people like me, use to learn to value their health and really…their life, eh?”

“Not just people like you Stan, since everyone has an addiction of some form, all people Stan!   You, me, and everyone around us!”

“Interesting…and cool!”

“All our addictions uncover our primary addiction…the one we each have, to live!”

 

“Life is a privilege for the wise, a game for the fool, and a comedic tragedy for the unaware.”
– King Ayles, writer

 

 

Until Next time…

    Now you know, addictive behaviours are important learning tools to give you the opportunity to protect yourself and your future.   Without them, many of us would have a much shorter life span.   So, check out your addictive behaviour and uncover how it protects you and your future.   Then, if you want to transform it, you can!

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Our next seminar is entitled, “How to Bring balance to Life and Purpose to Work!”  It will be on Saturday, October 22nd, 2016. Details are available at ww.kenpiercepsychologist.com

Send us your feedback and topic suggestions…we love to hear from you!  If you have a specific question or wish to schedule a consultation, feel free to contact me.

 

Namaste, (I salute the grandly organized design of the universe, manifested in you!)

Ken

Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com