You can’t depress yourself without harbouring a law-breaking illusion!

“We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality.”

– Iris Murdoch, author

 

“… Karen…had been diagnosed with clinical depression.”

Kallin came initially with concerns about his career.   He operated cranes on big construction sites around Atlantic Canada.  He said he found his work paid well but lately it seemed repetitive and boring.

Kallin was a small man with quick and nimble movements, probably useful in his line of work.   He looked of about forty but told me he was celebrating his fiftieth birthday in July.  He arrived in causal dress which included a T-shirt, chinos and jean jacket.

But, Kallin soon diverted his focus to his wife, Karen, who seven years ago, had been diagnosed with clinical depression. It flared up regularly, much to her dismay, resulting in her missing work and being at home by herself for long periods.  Karen was a dental hygienist who worked in a large local clinic.

Kallin said Karen had been taking antidepressants for some time but they had little or no impact on her condition.   He wanted to help her but didn’t know what to do. He had tried to be supportive, but she seemed to resent this, which confused him further.

Kallin told me he spent a lot of time ruminating about her and it was interfering with his own work which required his focus for his own safety and that of his colleagues.

 

“… she is probably harbouring illusions about her past, present or future…”

In order to get a direction for our work I asked him what was his primary goal in coming to see me.  He replied,

“Ken, I read depression is the most common mental health issue on the planet earth.  I want to understand why Karen would develop this disease! We live in a sort of pristine paradise, a rural, resort-focused little island, on the east coast of Canada.”

On a roll, as he vented his confusion and frustration, he continued,

“We have a nice life, two healthy kids, good jobs…why would she end up with this disease?”

“My best guess would be she is probably harbouring illusions about her past, present or future, Kallin.” I replied.

Kallin was taken back a little which he showed on his face and the shift he made in his chair.  Then, he said,

“Illusions about what?  And, how would illusions create a disease?”

 

 

“Limits, like fear, is often an illusion.” –  Michael Jordan, athlete

 

 

 

“It is a self-sustaining system run by certain specific laws.”

“Kallin, it is important to understand what illusion are.”

“Isn’t that what magicians use in their stage shows?” he suggested.

“Yes, exactly!  An illusion is an appearance or effect that is different from the way things really are or something many people believe, which is actually, false.”

And, even, as you suggest, something looking magical according to naive observers.”

“So, Ken, how are illusions connected to our health or even a condition like depressing?”

“Can I offer you the big picture first so you will understand the finer details?”

“Sure!”

“Our universe is currently estimated to be 400 billion years old.  It is a self- sustaining system run by certain specific laws. These laws are most often described with mathematics, probably the only universal language.”

“So, these laws run the whole universe?  Can you give me some examples of these universal laws, Ken?”

 

“… things which we term good or bad, are not necessarily so in nature.”

“Sure.  The better known ones are the laws of gravity, light, sound, motion, symmetry, friction and energy conservation.  And new one’s are being uncovered regularly.”

I continued,

“Our physical body and its brain, which we call our mind, is part of this same universal system and so run by the same laws.   With me so far?”

“Yep!  I think so!” Kallin replied.

“Let’s use an example. In the natural world, there is no such thing as a ‘weed‘ because every plant is positioned using these laws, in time and space, to ensure the overall balanced functioning of the universe.  So, in nature, every dandelion is perfectly positioned to ensure the overall equilibrated, self-sustaining system and is neither bad or good.”

“Uh-huh!” he murmured nodding his head.

“But, a human, with a value system of goods or bads, based on their past experiences, might call it a weed because they learned a yellow dandelion on a green lawn is not cool…that a yellow flower on that green patch of grass is bad…so they pull it out.”

“Taking this principle to everything humans call bad or good, based on their value system, means things which we term good or bad, are not necessarily so in nature.  They are based on a value-based human perspective. Still with me, Kallin?”

 

“The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
– Albert Einstein, physicist

 

 

 

“…perceive themselves as a victim of, and not a victor over, these events.”

“So, anything can be good or bad based on a person’s values…and I guess society’s values too, eh?   Like marijuana being legalized in Canada is moving it from bad to good, based on our new perception of it?” he said.

“That’s a great example and makes the point very well!”

He was a quick study, so I went on,

“So, let’s get back to depressing.  A depressing person is someone who believes events in their past were mostly or all bad.  They don’t see any benefits. So, they perceive themselves as a victim of, and not a victor over, these events.”

“Are you saying if they learned how those past events helped them, they wouldn’t depress anymore?”

“Yes, that’s basically what all therapeutic interventions strive to achieve.  The truth or reality is, since a depressing person has survived and thrived since these events, they are actually smarter and stronger because of them.”

“Ken, I know Karen had a ‘troubled’ childhood which she avoids talking about and she’s not close to her family…so if she discovered how these events made her tougher and wiser, she might get past her depression, eh?”

“Yes, she could.  I have the privilege of witnessing that quite often.  But, if she chooses to deny this or to take ownership of this, she will continue to depress herself.” I added.

 

“…her depressing must have benefits for me as well?”

“So, Karen’s got past events she thinks have victimized her and she doesn’t see, or won’t own, how it’s made her smarter and stronger?   Is that the illusion, that there are no benefits to what happened to her in her past, Ken?”

“That’s one of them, Kallin.  The other is, you can’t make her see or make her own the truth of her life…that she is really doing OK!”

“I guess you mean, I can’t save her…eh?”

“Exactly!   You can offer her the ideas but you can’t make her explore them or test them or believe they are true…it is up to her!”

“But, Ken, that means since her depressing is a part of the natural universal system…so, our relationship is too…so…her depressing must have benefits for me as well?  Is that not a correct deduction?” he asked moving quickly forward.

“It is indeed, Kallin!   Very insightful of you! Do you want to uncover how specifically you are smarter and stronger because Karen depresses herself?”

“If I do, then I would be able to be around her and be OK, would I not?”

“And, you would be showing respect for her right to depress herself which might act as a catalyst for her to explore other ways to cope with her life.”

“I would like to explore that idea further next time, Ken.”

“Let’s do that Kallin!”

“Illusion is one the primary pleasures and lasting pains of our evolution.”
King Ayles, writer