Your stress can either kill you or cure you of your illusions!

“…the U.S. Surgeon General has estimated 80% of the people who die of non-traumatic causes actually die of stress diseases.”

– Jeff Mitchell & Grady Bray, authors

 

“I almost died last week…sitting at my desk.”  

Arthur was a very stressed man.   As he sat in my office on his first visit, he was visibly out of sorts.  He was constantly fidgeting while looking nervously around the room.  He had a rushed, hesitant speech pattern and a shortness of breath like he had just run up the stairs to my office.   But, I knew he had been waiting in my reception area for the past five minutes.

Arthur was also a man’s man.  He arrived unshaven in the classic red checkered shirt, jeans and heavily insulated hoodie, like the guys across the street from my office wear while constructing the new apartment block.  He was of average height but burley, not just in appearance, but in manner as well.  Yet, he worked as a middle manager in local government supervising road work.

Arthur told me he liked the outdoors.  He hunted, fished and camped.  He had all the boy-toys often collected by guys with those interests and values.   He told me he had a top of the line SkiDoo worth at least 15K and an all terrain vehicle, (ATV) worth just a little less.  He talked about his hunting camp in the woods of central New Brunswick which he referred to as his ‘piece of paradise.’

As he related this to me I could see his manner relax dramatically.   But, then when I asked him what had brought him to my office, his stress symptoms returned in full force very quickly.

He replied,

“Ken, I had a ‘heart incident’ at work!  I almost died last week… sitting at my desk. ”

 

“I’d rather have a medication that would make me relax?”

“What do you mean by a heart incident, Arthur?”

“That’s what my ER doctor called it.  The tests didn’t show much, but she said that’s what it looked like to her.”

“What did they tell you to do about it?” I asked, wondering why he wasn’t talking to his family doctor instead of me.

“The gist of it was, ‘Get your stress under control now before it kills you later!’”

“That sure is a wake up call, eh?” I replied with a half smile, wondering if he was ready for some humour.

But, he wasn’t!

“Ken, I think I’m more stressed now than before I had  my ‘incident.’  I have always been a very sensitive and emotional person.  I have no idea what I should do to get them under control.  I’m terrified it will happen again.  I need help, right away!” he said the anguish covering his face as his eyes flushed.

“Then Arthur, it is time for learning!”

“Learning…?   I’d rather have a medication that would make me relax?  There must be one, eh?” he asked with genuine naivety in his voice.

“Sure!  Lots of them.  Both legal and illegal!  But their cost is often in your ability to think wisely and manage your life…and so, they are very expensive in many ways!”

 

“Ironically, stress is not designed to kill, but rather to enhance life.”
– Jeff Mitchell & Grady Bray, authors

 

“…both pain and pleasure are actually ‘perceptions’ controlled by your values…”

“But Ken, I have a friend who has been taking valium for years and he seems OK.”

“He may well be OK.  But, drugs can also create a psychological dependence which can limit the person in other areas especially around self-esteem and self-confidence which, of course, impacts their whole life.”

“Well… he did have a kind of melt-down one time when we were away at a conference and he had left his meds at home…so…yeah, I see what your saying.” he replied stumbling through his reply as he put his thoughts together.

Then, as an afterthought, he added,

“What were you talking about a second ago about ‘learning?’”

“Arthur, can I offer you the seven essential things you need to know about stress to have a future?”

“You sure can…that’s why I’m here!”

“OK!  Here goes…in point form: first, no one is stress-free unless they’re dead or heavily drugged; second, stress means you are being challenged to learn something important for your future and so stress is essential for life; third, stress is manifested both with feelings in your mind and physiology in your body.”

“Ken, you’re saying stress is useful and it occurs in both my mind and my body?”

“Exactly!  Fourth, research shows your feelings are interpretations of your body’s physiological sensations based on your values; fifth, both pain and pleasure are actually ‘perceptions’ controlled by your values; sixth, pain and pleasure, then, are ‘personal perceptions’ based on your own values; and seventh, your feelings of stress, that is, pain and pleasure, are under your own control!”

 

 

“…Lisa’s credentials and work make her worthy of notice for anyone who has had a ‘heart incident.”

“That would mean then…that I can learn to control my own stress by learning to control my own perceptions and also, I guess, to know my own values…is that right?”

“You got it exactly, Arthur!   Do you want to learn how to control your perceptions and uncover your values so you can manage your stress better?”

“That what I think I need to do right away!   How do we start, Ken?”

“I want to start by introducing you to Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a neuroscientist. Twenty-five years ago, Lisa ran a series of psychology experiments which uncovered how the brain creates emotions.”

“Why is her work so important for me to know, Ken?”

“Arthur, Lisa’s credentials and work make her worthy of notice for anyone who has had a ‘heart incident.’  Dr. Barrett is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Director of the Interdisciplinary Affective Science Laboratory (IASLab) at Northeastern University. She also has research appointments in the departments of psychiatry and radiology at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School.”

Then I added,

“Lisa’s work explains how you can prevent another ‘heart incident’ in the future!”

“Really?” Arthur responded surprised.

 

“Without stress there would be no change, growth  or productivity.”

– Jeff Mitchell & Grady Bray, authors

 

“So watching this video is like your first commitment test.”

“Really!  Lisa has published more than 200 peer-reviewed research papers in top scientific journals on emotion, psychology, and neuroscience.  The learning you can get from Lisa’s work can give you a future, Arthur.” I said, slowly to emphasize its importance.

“Can you give me a summary to save me time, Ken?”

“I could and will, after you watch her Ted Talk.   But a critical part of you having a future at all will be your willingness to make the time to learn what you need for the future you want.  So watching this video is like your first commitment test.”

“You’re saying unless I make the time to learn what I need, I won’t have a future and this is like a first step.  Is that what you  mean, Ken?”

“That’s it  precisely, Arthur!   There are no free lunches in life, we pay for every second of our existence in some way.   After you watch Lisa’s Ted Talk we can discuss its ideas and implications for you.  Are you agreeable to pick up our conversation when you return?”

“Yes!  Can I have the same time next week?

“You can indeed!  I look forward to it!

“Me too…I think?” he said with a smile.

I will finish my discussion with Arthur next week.  If you have any health challenge, make a commitment to your future by watching this Ted Talk, too!

“Stress is found in all biological activity on earth, motivating us to learn to make the changes needed to preserve our future.”
– King Ayles, author